I have often wondered if my faith in God would stand up under trial.
Would my belief in a Sovereign God who loves me be enough to get me through?I haven't had many trials in my 9 years of knowing God.
I've had more joys and more times of peace in my life
than hurts, disappointments and times of sorrow.
I've questioned if what I believed, what I heard, what I read about God was really true.
How could I really know if my faith would be enough?
If God would be enough?
My church family is hurting right now.
There have been tears flowing and a great crying out to God to change hearts,
to soften hard shells,
to have our family be reconciled to each other.
I have been on my knees begging God to intervene,
to let His peace wash over our church,
to knit us together again.
I'm still praying.
My faith in what God can do is enough in this trial.
My family is hurting right now.
There have been tears flowing and a great crying out to God
to change what's happening, to bring healing, to bring peace.
I'm still praying.
My faith in what God can do is not enough.
My sister was hospitalized with complications
from her chemo treatments for 10 days.
We've seen her body breaking down but we've seen that for a few months-
she rallied back before, surely she would again.
I have always held out hope that she would beat this cancer
that is ravaging her body.
Always.
Maybe it was denial, maybe it was a false hope.
Mostly, it was my desire to see her healed completely.
That's been my constant prayer to my Father-
to see a healing so miraculous that my family would have to believe in my God
Some would say that that is great faith.
I wouldn't.
I've come to see this week that it is a lack of faith to want a miracle.
To expect that only a miracle would turn my family's eyes to God.
This week, I've watched my sister struggle to breathe,
watched her skeletal form barely leave a dent in the bed,
watched her painful walk to her chair-
each step etching lines of pain across her face.
I've seen her hands, burned and blistered, struggle to answer a phone,
I've stood helpless beside her husband when he couldn't get two words out
without breaking down in despair,
and I've watched my nephews and my niece as they try to make sense of it all.
I have never felt such helplessness.
I have never felt a pain so deep.
My sister knows where she's going.
She and her husband believe in the gift that He has given them-
the gift of life eternal
the gift of grace
the gift of knowing Him.
She is at peace with whatever comes.
She is a woman utterly devoted to her children,
fully committed to her husband,
living her life with lists, plans and goals for the future.
So, it's not that she has nothing to live for...she does.
It's not that she's given up...she hasn't.
But she is okay and at peace with whatever comes.
That says a lot.
That says that no matter what she has now, what she will have is so much better.
It says that she trusts God...
with her children
with her future
with her goals.
She trusts Him.
She believes that He loves her and that she will see Him face to face.
Knowing that,
I have been able to see what God has done, is doing and will do
I know that there doesn't need to be a miraculous healing...
He doesn't even need to do anything else.
I've found out this week that it's enough just to know that
HE IS
God is enough.
